17 and Pregnant!

I’m Pregnant!

I remember the moment I found out I was going to be a Mom.  I was 17 years old and in the bathroom of the local Subway.  My feelings at the exact moment I couldn’t really tell you, I was numb to everything!  My “boyfriend” and I weren’t really dating anymore, he in fact had just started dating someone else, we didn’t necessarily have what you would call a “healthy relationship” and we had recently decided to call it quits.  Now what?  How am I supposed to move on when I’m 17 and having his baby?

Let me first explain that I wasn’t your typical sweet 17 year old girl.  I was into drinking, experimenting with drugs, I had been struggling with an eating disorder since I was 12 years old and I barely spoke with my parents.  To say the least, I was in no position to take care of a child.  Abortion?  Sure, there was always that option, my problem would be over quick and easy right?  I could move on with my life, never have to see my Baby’s Father again and continue to live the crazy lifestyle that I had somehow grown to love. 

However, as crazy as it seemed I felt that little life inside of me, no more than five weeks pregnant, I was already a Mom.  Abortion?  No, that was never something I believed in. That little baby had the right to live, and it deserved a REAL MOM, a Mom who would love it, support it and take care of it.  God had given me this little life, so innocent and so sweet for a reason and I was determined to change my life entirely in nine short months and be that Mom.

Telling the “Rents”

Well telling my parents was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  Yes we were on bad terms and I wasn’t currently living with them but I still loved them and didn’t want to hurt them.  Growing up in a very catholic family we were always lectured about pre-marital s3x and it was pretty much understood that if we ever got pregnant outside of marriage we would not be able to live under their roof.  I was terrified to say the least.  I thought for sure this was the last straw, my relationship with my parents, and the rest of my family was so rocky already, this surely was going to end things! 

To tell you the truth, my parents took the news pretty well; I don’t think anyone was “shocked” that this had happened.  Yes they were upset and yes we had a lot to work through, but that was the key, we had to work through it. 

After many counseling sessions and hours of teary, wet eyes, we came to a couple of conclusions:

 #1, I could move back in with my parents and stay until the baby was born and then if I decided to keep the baby I would have to move out and work things out on my own.

 #2 I could still move back in with my parents and give the baby up for adoption and afterwards I could continue to live with them and go on with my life. 

The Long Road Of Decisions

I decided to look into adoption.

I went to a place that specialized in adoptions, Bethany Christian Services.  I worked with an extremely nice lady; she understood my situation, understood that this was going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and worked with me.  For the first time in a couple of months, I didn’t feel judged, I didn’t feel like I had done the worst possible thing, I felt comfortable and I trusted her.  We looked through parent profiles, talked about the type of parents and family I wanted my child to have… and then one day I found them: the perfect parents for my unborn child.  They were fun, quirky and already had a two year old little girl.  My FIRST BORN child would have a sibling.  That was so important to me, I came from a big family and loved it, I wanted my child to grow up with lots of brothers and sisters. 

I felt relieved, like I had achieved something so big and so important.  I had found a wonderful, loving and caring family for my baby.  However, it wasn’t my family.  Something just wasn’t sitting right.  I still cried at night, I still felt un-easy about the whole situation.  This isn’t what I wanted.  I wanted my baby and I wanted to raise it around my wonderful, loving and caring family. 

After talking it over with my parents and telling them that I was keeping the baby, I went and started taking classes at Pregnancy Resource Center.  I went every Friday night for the remainder of my pregnancy.  They taught us things such as setting up a budget for my family, offered parenting classes and many more things.  Every time you went to a class you earned points and at the end of your pregnancy or even after the baby was born you could take your earned points and buy things from their store.  Their store had everything from Baby Cribs right down to diapers and wipes.  This was perfect for me.  I was going to need all the help I could get, especially since I was moving out on my own after the baby was born.

I still didn’t know where I was going to live when the baby arrived, I was seven months pregnant, my boyfriend, if you could even call him that, had gone through a spiritual revelation and didn’t want me living with him since we weren’t married, plus he wasn’t sure he even wanted the baby, he would go back and forth each and every week telling me yes he would be there and support me and then no this wasn’t the right decision I needed to give the baby up for adoption.  It really was quite stressful to say the least!  I knew I couldn’t do it on my own, I needed help, but my parents had already told me they weren’t going to help me if I decided to keep the baby, which was exactly what I planned to do…what other option was there for me?  I had run out of options, that was it, it was the end of the road, I couldn’t do it on my own, even with the help of government agencies such as WIC, Medicaid and Welfare.  Plus I didn’t want to be one of those teenage moms who got on welfare and food stamps. I knew the system and I knew once I was on it, I would never be able to get off.  I wanted better for myself and my baby; I didn’t want to be another “statistic” in the world of teenage pregnancies.

My 8th month of pregnancy had arrived, still no place to live after the baby (which he had found out it was a boy and I had decided to name him Matthew, after the one of the disciples) was born and I was still determined to keep Matthew.  He was my child, no one else’s.  I had to keep looking; I had to figure something out.  I looked into teen homes, they were full. I looked at apartments, too expensive.  Finally an answer of prayer came.  After 8 months of counseling (individual and family sessions) and months of praying, my parents had decided to let me stay home with the baby.  I was to continue school, go on to college, work part-time and raise Matthew.  THANK GOD.  This was the happiest news I had in such a long time!  I finally had a happy ending.

February 26, 2002. 

Matthew Arrives!  It was the happiest day of my life. After nine long months of waiting and nine long months of preparing and growing up, Matthew was finally in my arms.  I looked at his sweet and innocent face and swore to myself that I was going to be the Mother he deserved.  I was going to give him a wonderful, loving and caring family.  And I did.

It is now 2008 and I am expecting my 3^rd baby.  I got pregnant again when Matthew was 6 months old (that’s a whole different article) and had a baby girl, Gracelynn.  I even went on to finish college.  In December 2006, I got married to the “right” man and we are currently expecting our first baby. Matthew has the family I always wanted to give him and he’s not getting gypped on the sibling situation obviously!!!  He’s going to have a big family, just like I wanted him to. 

I’m not going to say it has been the easiest six years of my life, I’ve defiantly had my bumps along the way, but I would not change a thing.  This is my life now, a loving and devoted Mother of three and Wife to the BEST Husband anyone could ask for.  God has blessed me in more ways than I deserve. 

Not every teenage mother is as fortunate as I am, I had the wonderful help of my family and friends, supporting me, and urging me to go on and I had God’s Blessings.  I want all teenage mothers or teenage mothers to be to know that you can do anything, its hard work and some days you feel like you can’t go on, but you can, keep God first in your life and he will work miracles for you.  Remember if you want your happy ending, you have to work for it, and its hard work but its so worth it in the end!

God Bless.